Sleeping Beauty

Also known as “The Sleeping Beauty in the Woods,” this is another classic story that has been forever immortalized by Walt Disney. Prior to Disney’s immortalization, however, it was immortalized as a ballet by Tchaikowsky. It was this ballet and not the original story that Walt and his team used to bring the story to the screen. George Bruns even adapted the familiar themes of Tchaikowsky’s score as the songs used in the movie.

This story is one of the best examples on record in favor of censoring classing fairy tales. The eraliest known version of the story, which was popular in 1636, is one of the most grizzly and horrific fables ever told. The prince stumbles upon Sleeping Beauty but, rather than just kiss her, he rapes her unconscious body then goes back to his wife. Sleeping Beauty awakens (somehow) and bears the twins the prince left her with. The prince’s wife (somehow) gets wind of these kids and has them killed and made into supper for her husband (even though the cook lets the kids go, the prince is still made to believe that he is eating his own children).

(Incidentally, the book Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things by Charles Panati was a great help in researching these historic facts about the stories on this blog so if you’re interested in learning more about the history of fairy tales, nursery rhymes, zippers, Pepsi, Uncle Sam and the practice of hanging  a horseshoe over your door for good luck, seek out this tome.)

The version of the story that appears here is the same basic plot as Tchaikowsky and Disney used, with one or two touches of my own, usually employed when I couldn’t remember the story very well. To which I’m sure my reader(s) will say “But, Templeton, my boy, why didn’t you simply reread the story if you couldn’t remember it?” And my answer to that is, “Yes, that would’ve been a good idea.”

…anyhoo, here’s the story:

O

nce upon a time there was a great kingdom, the Kingdom of Borealis, which bordered the Fairying Forest. The Forest was the home of the Fairies, who lived together in harmony, in a society not too dissimilar from our own. There were houses and schools and families just like in our world. And, as in all societies, there was government. In this case, a council of Seven Wise Fairies. The Red Fairy, the Gold Fairy, the Blue Fairy, the Silver Fairy, the White Fairy, the Green Fairy and the Black Fairy. Each possessed a different type of power and together they kept peace and prosperity in the forest.

Now, some years prior to the events of this story, a decision was reached regarding the human population of Borealis. It was decided that since we humans have no magic, it was the responsibility of the Forest Fairies to watch over them. A vote was called for and the motion to make Borealis an official Protectorate of the Fairy Government passed six votes to one.

And so, for many centuries, both kingdoms got along very well and lived in peace and harmony. The King and Queen of Borealis always valued the Fairies’ counsel above all others. So, when the Queen gave birth to her first child, it was only natural that the Council of Fairies be invited to the Christening.

Unfortunately, there was a problem. As a matter of tradition, Fairy guests always ate from gold plates. But one of the gold plates had been damaged some years ago. There were now no longer enough for all seven Fairies. This didn’t bother the King and Queen, because it gave them an excuse to not invite one of the Fairies who no one really liked anyway.

This proved to be a terrible mistake.

On the day of the christening, the child was introduced to the world and given the name of “Aurora,” which means “the dawn.” On this day, she was also betrothed. That is, promised to be married to Prince Philip from a nearby kingdom. Philip, being five years Aurora’s senior, had little interest in her, but did as his father told him.

The party was a terrific success. When the six fairies arrived they each took turns bestowing a gift on the newborn child. Beauty…grace…song…purity of heart…intelligence…and the Blue Fairy was just about to give her gift when a thunderclap was heard. A wind that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere roared through the chamber, blowing out every candle. Billowing black smoke appeared as if from nowhere and when it cleared, there stood the Black Fairy…mad as a whole forest full of hornets’ nests.

“Well!” she said, her voice as cold as ice. “I see we are all having a wonderful time tonight. The food smells delicious. And everyone is so nicely dressed. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was some sort of party. But, look! Here are the King and Queen! That means it could not be a party. For, you see, any party that the King and Queen would attend would surely be a state function…and in that case…I would’ve been invited!!”

“Please, your grace,” began the King, “let me explain. We wanted to invite you, of course we did. But we only had enough gold plates for six. And since you have declined each and every invitation we have extended, we assumed…”

“Silence!” bellowed the Black Fairy. And as she did, a terrible tempest wind blew. “I care little for your puny excuses. And it is not important that I would have declined anyway. You insulted me and for that you must pay!”

“Your grace,” said the Blue Fairy, taking control. “Please be reasonable. The King and Queen meant you no offense. And I am certain that any request you might make of them will happily be granted to make up for this unfortunate incident.”

“Unfortunate incident? Sister Fairy, do I not sit on the same council as yourself? Have I not the same powers as you and our five colleagues? Then why am I so easily cast aside? Why am I so expendable?”

“No one is saying that you are expendable.” Though practically everyone in the room was thinking it.

“Enough! The time for talking is done. I will take my leave of this place and never return.” This made everyone very happy, until the Black Fairy added, “But first…I have something to give the baby!”

Instinctively, the Queen lunged for her child, but it did no good. The Black Fairy waved her arms and spoke a prophecy. “Princess Aurora,” she declared, “will indeed grow up with the gifts that have, this day, been bestowed upon her. And up until her eighteenth birthday, she will be very happy. But before sunset on that day, she will prick her finger on a needle and die!” With these ominous words, the Black Fairy disappeared, cackling as she did so.

The Queen was struck with despair. She held her baby closer to herself as though her love could save her from this fate…and perhaps it could, because just then the Blue Fairy said, “If you please, Your Majesty, I believe I can help.”

“You can? Can you lift this terrible curse?”

“No, I cannot. The Black Fairy’s Dark Magic is too strong. But I can save Aurora’s life.” She took the baby from her mother’s arms and held the tiny princess tenderly. “Little One,” said the Blue Fairy, “on your eighteenth birthday, you will prick your finger on a needle. But it will not be fatal. It will simply put you into a deep, dreamless sleep. During this time you will not age, nor wither, nor die. You will simply wait for Love’s First Kiss. For when your true love’s lips touch yours for the first time, the spell will be broken, you will awaken, and all will be happy forever after.”

The words of the Blue Fairy were of great comfort to the King and Queen. Nonetheless, they decided that it was better not to take chances. A proclamation was made banning the use of all needles or needle-like implements. All the sewing needles, knitting needles, spinning wheels and other tools were taken into the center of the town and burned in a bonfire. But the King and Queen felt that this was not enough. As they were struggling to think of a solution, the Blue Fairy appeared to them with an idea.

That was the last night that Aurora would spend at the castle for many years. Under cover of darkness, the Blue Fairy stole away with the baby in tow. She would care for the child in the Fairying Forest for eighteen years, until it was safe to bring her back to her family. It was a great risk she was taking, as it was forbidden for humans to live in the Forest. They could visit from time to time, and the hunting was well known as the best in the country, but as soon as night fell, all humans had to leave.

But, the Blue Fairy had no choice.

And so it was that, for the next eighteen years, the Blue Fairy raised the child secretly in the Forest. She called the young princess by the name “Rosebud,” just in case the Black Fairy was still trying to find her. For if the evil Fairy found that the Blue Fairy was caring for a human child, princess or no, her rage would be uncontrollable. You see, the Black Fairy had been the only council member who had been opposed to the idea of granting the humans the protection of magic. She felt their lack of magic made them weak, inferior, and therefore undeserving of such protection.

But for eighteen happy years, no one saw or heard from the Black Fairy. Peace reigned throughout the land. Sad though they were to say goodbye, the King and Queen were comforted to know that their daughter was safe and in good hands. And all parties eagerly awaited the girl’s eighteenth birthday, the day when she would return to the castle, reclaim her birthright and live out the rest of her life in happiness and prosperity.

As for Prince Philip, he was fully aware that as soon as the exiled princess was of age, he would have to marry her. But he simply tried to ignore the fact. The way you block out something you are anticipating and dreading, like chores or visiting your unmarried aunt. Not that Prince Philip dreaded the idea of marriage…well, actually, yes, he did. Philip enjoyed his life. Living by his own rules and doing as he pleased. Hunting in the nearby forests, riding through the kingdom, helping his subjects. He knew that a marriage, however nice the girl might be, would throw a monkey wrench into his lifestyle and he did not want it…especially since monkey wrenches hadn’t been invented yet.

Unfortunately, he could ignore his fate no longer. For finally the day came when the princess was to return, and soon he would marry. And not just marry, but marry someone he had met only once, when she was only a few days old, whom he had not seen since. Whom no one had seen since! His father tried to reassure him that this union would be the best thing for both kingdoms. He also reminded his young son that five fairies had bestowed various gifts upon the baby so that she would be a pleasant companion.

“I do not doubt it, father,” bemoaned the Prince. “But I do not like the idea of marrying someone I don’t know against my will. Can’t you understand that?”

“Frankly…no.”

Prince Philip had no choice. That morning he woke, dressed and got in a carriage. He rode to the Kingdom of Borealis with a heavy heart. The King and Queen greeted him, but evaded the question when he asked where his fiancée was. They had managed to keep the curse a secret for some time, and they felt it best not to burden the young prince with the informatio now. For his part, Prince Philip assumed it was a tradition, not seeing the bride before the wedding. He was shown to his quarters and told that he would be married at sundown. This gave him the rest of the day to himself…and he noticed a lush, green forest near the castle when he rode into town…

An hour later, when the steward came to ask if he wanted anything, he found only a note on the pillow which said, “Gone Huntin’.”

The Fairying Forest was a beautiful place. Imagine everything nice about nature rolled together and sprinkled with magic fairy dust. The trees seemed to dance in the wind. The dewdrops sparkled like diamonds. The beams of light which shone through the high branches were as deep and radiant as moonlight.

These were the observations made by Prince Philip as he surveyed the territory. He knew at once that he would do well here. And sure enough he hadn’t been in the forest more than twenty minutes before he saw a beautiful deer. She was standing by a pond, having a drink. Philip ducked down behind a shrubbery and pulled an arrow from his quiver. The deer had no idea he was there. He lay the arrow carefully in the bow…he pulled the string taut…and then…

“NO!”

The Prince jerked and his arrow flew into the forest, narrowly missing a sleepy owl. The deer heard the noise and ran into the trees. Philip was furious. “Now look what you’ve done!” he said as he turned to face whoever had shouted.

Actually all he got out was “Now look wh—” before he saw who had shouted. The most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Dressed like a peasant in a long skirt and laced bodice. A sweeping, curvy figure and a simply enchanting face. Long locks of golden-brown hair fell past her shoulders. Her lips were full and red. And her eyes…my goodness! Her eyes!

“How could you even think of shooting a poor defenseless deer?” she said. Somehow she was even beautiful when she was angry.

“I…I…” was all the Prince could say, he was so taken by her beauty.

“What if she had been a mother? What would you have done for her poor children?”

“I’m sorry,” Philip said at last. “I didn’t mean any harm. I’m a sportsman, you see.”

“A sportsman? Hunting is not a sport, you fool! It is a necessity. You hunt because you have no other means of food or you don’t do it at all. What’s sporting about shooting an animal for fun?”

“It takes skill, patience and strength to be a good hunter. That’s what I call a sport.” The girl simply turned and walked away but Philip caught up with her. “Wait, wait,” he said. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Philip. What’s yours?”

“Rosebud,” said Rosebud, noticing for the first time what lovely, dark eyes Philip had. “And maybe I was a little harsh. You aren’t from around here, are you?”

“Why no. I’m in town for…for a wedding.” He neglected to mention whose wedding.

“That’s nice…are you hungry? I live not far from here.”

Rosebud led Philip to the cottage the Blue Fairy had made for her. They had lunch together and talked of this and that. And as they talked and learned more about each other, both Rosebud and Philip were falling more and more deeply for each other. It was nearly sundown before Philip finally left, and it was not his decision to do so. The Blue Fairy arrived and chased him away…with a carving knife.

“What are you thinking?” she yelled at Rosebud. “Letting a man in here? Didn’t I tell you how dangerous that was?”

“I like him,” said Rosebud. “He’s very kind and handsome and—”

“I don’t care! I told you no strangers. That is final. Besides, it doesn’t matter if you like him. You are promised to another.”

“What?”

“Rosebud…I have been keeping this from you for too long. Sit down.” Rosebud sat and the Blue Fairy told her all about her past. How she was born a princess and how the Black Fairy had cursed her on the day of her Christening. How the Blue Fairy had gone to such lengths to protect her. How she had cared for her these last eighteen years and how today, on her birthday, she was to return to the castle and marry the Prince.

Rosebud…excuse me, Aurora, was devastated. As you would probably be too, if you were suddenly asked to change your entire life in a matter of hours, especially on your birthday. She didn’t want to marry some stranger. She didn’t want to live with a King and Queen she didn’t know. She liked her cottage, she didn’t want to leave the Forest. So she did what, again, you would probably do in her shoes:

She ran.

She ran deep into the Fairying Forest. The Blue Fairy tried to catch her, but Aurora was too fast. She ran, her streaming tears blinding her, until she could run no more. Then she simply collapsed to the ground and began to sob. There she stayed for several minutes until she heard an odd voice saying, “Are you all right, child?”

Aurora looked up and saw a withered old crone. An old woman with a wrinkled face and a long Black robe.

“No,” said Aurora. “I’m not all right. Everything I am is a lie. I’m being forced to marry against my will. I—”

“There, there, child,” said the Old Crone. “I will protect you. Come into my house and I will fix you a nice warm pot of tea.” Aurora let the Old Crone lead her into the house. It was a very small hovel. Just a bed, a table, a chair, a small stove and…in the far corner, something Aurora had never seen before.

“What is that?” she asked.

“Just Granny’s old spinning wheel. Have you never seen one, dearie?” Aurora shook her head. “Well, let me show you how it works.” The Old Crone led Aurora to the spinning wheel and sat her down. “Now you just run the thread through here and wrap it around the spindle. Like this…now you try.”

Aurora didn’t know why, but she could not refuse. It was as if the Old Crone was hypnotizing her. She pumped with her foot and guided the thread with her hand, and as she reached up to touch the spindle…

“Ow!” she pricked her finger. She saw a few drops of blood fall. She began to feel sick, woozy. She stumbled back and the Old Crone made no effort to help her. Soon Aurora was unable to fight anymore and gave in to the blackness. She fell back onto the bed, fast asleep.

The Black Fairy threw off her disguise and laughed. Her plan had worked. She stalked out of the cottage, satisfied that she had won. Then she turned to the cottage and cast a magic spell. A thicket of briars sprang up around the cottage, thick and twisted and deadly.

“What have you done?” cried the Blue Fairy, who had finally caught up with Aurora.

“I have won,” said the Black Fairy. “Your Princess sleeps within this cottage and will never wake…unless of course her true love finds her and breaks through this thicket. But, wait. You sent her true love away less than an hour ago!”

“So, you have been spying on me.”

“Of course. It was the only way to ensure that my plan would work. And now, those arrogant humans will get just what they deserve.” The Black Fairy threw back her head and laughed. As she did so, she melted away into mist and vanished. The Blue Fairy was horrified. She had no idea what to do. The first thing she had to do, unfortunately, was to tell the King and Queen what had happened. But, she noticed, she had left her wand in Aurora’s cottage, so back she went…

And when she got there, she was surprised to discover the young man she had thrown out had returned.

“What are you doing back here?” cried the Blue Fairy.

“I’m sorry if my presence offends you, ma’am,” said Philip, politely. “But I cannot stay away. I know it sounds strange but…I love Rosebud. I will do anything to be with her.”

“Anything?”

“Yes, anything. Even betray my father.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am supposed to be at the palace right now, marrying the princess. But I won’t. I don’t love Princess Aurora. I love Rosebud, the girl I met in the forest today. And I’d rather live in this hovel with her for a hundred years that spend one moment in the palace with someone I don’t—”

“Wait…you are Prince Philip? Aurora’s betrothed?”

“I am. Or, rather, I was.”

The Blue Fairy could hardly contain her joy. Without another word, she led Philip deep into the forest to the Thicket of Briar.

“Why have you brought me here?” asked Philip.

“Because your true love is inside. You must rescue her.”

Philip needed no more convincing. He drew his broadsword and began hacking and chopping at the thicket. Slowly, gradually, he cut a path through to the door which, of course, had been locked. He broke it down and was inside. There he saw her.

“Rosebud!” he cried.

“No,” said the Blue Fairy. “Her name is Aurora. This is your true love and your betrothed! She will awake when you kiss her.”

And so, after taking a moment to absorb this new information and reflect on how life’s funny if you think about it, Philip stepped slowly toward Princess Aurora. He knelt beside her and looked at her sleeping form. So delicate. So beautiful. He held her limp, lifeless hand in his. Then he leaned in and placed upon her lips one perfect, gentle kiss. In an instant, Aurora blinked her eyes and awoke. She looked into the eyes of her beloved and smiled.

Then she pulled him close and gave him a real kiss!

And so, once again, we have a happy ending. Aurora married Philip (a little later than planned, but not bad) and they lived together for many years. The Blue Fairy was made head of the Fairy Ruling Council, who, using all their combined power, managed to strip the Black Fairy of hers and she was forced to wander the Forest for the rest of her life as one of the weak, inferior humans she despised.

And, except for Aurora always having a little trouble getting out of bed in the mornings, everything was truly happily ever after.

THE END

If You Liked My Story, You Might Enjoy:

• “Faerie Tale Theatre” (TV) Christopher Reeve is the Prince, Bernadette Peters is the Princess
• Sleeping Beauty (1959) Walt Disney’s lavishly produced, groundbreaking animated feature was the first to be made in Cinemascope and is widely considered one of the most visually stunning of all his films. Features the song “Once Upon a Dream”
• “The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show—Fractured Fairy Tales” The segment called “Sleeping Beautyland” depicted the prince as an entrepreneur who turns the snoozing princess into a theme park. The character was modeled to look like Walt Disney.

Next Week, for Halloween: “The Boy Who Left Home To Learn About The Shivers”

Little Red Riding Hood

This is perhaps one of the most enduring fairy tales of all times. And, like Cinderella, its elements have passed into the basic lexicon of our society. The lesson it teaches is universal: take extra care with strangers.

In most early versions, both Grandmother and Red herself were eaten, but as time wore on, and sympathy for Little Red grew, she was rescued by her father, a huntsman, or, according to playwright James Lapine, a baker. It wasn’t until the Brothers Grimm got their hands on it a hundred and twenty years after the story became popular that Grandma was rescued!

Some versions are more gory than others. I, for example, have omitted the bit where the wolf catches Grandma’s blood in bottles and tricks Red into drinking them! Think about little things like that before you scold people like me and Walt for “cleaning up” fairy tales, okay?

W

olves are wonderful animals. Beautiful creatures with much to offer. They only eat the weakest sickest member of any given herd so that the herd itself stays strong. They are one of a very few wild animals that mate for life. And, though somewhat chilling, their howl is one of nature’s most beautiful and haunting sounds. Unfortunately, there is an old saying that goes, “one bad apple will spoil the bushel.” And the same is true of wolves. One or two bad ones have become famous and these remarkable animals have been maligned ever since. This is the story of one such bad apple, a rogue wolf by the name of Treebark. A real villain with a heart of coal.

Once upon a time and long ago, there was a little girl called Red. Now, Red was not her real name, mind you. But that’s what everyone called her because she loved the color red. Red loved red passionately. Her toothbrush was red, her favorite foods were strawberries and apples (red delicious, of course), her favorite comedian was Red Skelton, her favorite singer was Helen Reddy…

Sorry, I got carried away there.

Also, her favorite thing in the whole wide world was a special cape and hood which was of a style that was popular at the time called a “riding hood.” It was bright red and her Grandmother had made it for her, which is why she was always called Little Red Riding Hood…or Red Riding Hood for short…or Red for shorter…or, on occasion, “R” for shortest.

Anyway, Red’s Grandmother lived in a house inconveniently located on the opposite side of Wolf Woods, wherein lived close to a hundred wolves. But Red wasn’t afraid when she went to visit her grandmother. A clean, well-lit path cut through the forest to allow travel, and the wolves seldom ventured out far enough to interact with their human visitors…usually.

One day, Red’s Grandmother became very ill. In fact, between you and me, there were concerns about whether or not she’d make it through the night. So, Red’s Mother asked her to take a Basket of Goodies through Wolf Woods to Grandmother’s House. Red, whose best friend in the world was her Grandmother, was more than happy to oblige, and left as soon as she got back from school. Now, Red had made this trip before on numerous occasions. And she had always promised her mother that she would stay on the path and not wander into the woods. For, friendly though the people were with the wolves, there were other dangers to consider. So Red had no reason to believe that today’s trip would be any different.

What she didn’t know is what was going on deep in the forest at that very moment. The wolves were holding an impromptu tribunal for one of their own.

“Step forward, Treebark of Narria,” said Greybeard, the Chief Wolf. Treebark stepped forward as every eye of every wolf in his pack glared at him in disgust and shame. Treebark felt no remorse. “Treebark of Narria,” Greybeard continued, addressing him by his family name as a matter of protocol, “you stand accused of crimes against the pack. You have behaved not in the interest of your fellow wolves, but only in your own. You have attacked a defenseless animal without provocation. You have failed even to show remorse for your actions. Do you deny these charges?”

“No,” said Treebark. And in that one syllable he succeeded in displaying his utter contempt for all things wolfish.

“Have you anything to say in your defense before this council passes sentence?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact I do,” said Treebark. “You’re weak! All of you! We are strong, fierce creatures. With the right motivation we could rule this forest and beyond. We could act with total impunity. But, no. We have to be civilized. Hold trials and call each other by our family names. Well, go ahead and pass your little sentence. The worst you can do is kick me out of the pack, and I wouldn’t stay if you begged me!”

Greybeard did indeed banish Treebark from the pack. He left smiling. The other wolves became worried at what he might do, but only briefly before getting on with their lives. Never dreaming that, while his name would never be spoken among their number again, his actions would live in infamy…

When Treebark left the tribunal, he picked a direction and walked aimlessly. He muttered and mumbled to himself, cussing out the other wolves as he did so. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he was hungry. And there was a certain kind of animal he’d always been eager to try. As he came upon the path, he saw one such animal walking along happily. Seeing his opportunity, Treebark leapt out at the animal and said, “Hello, little girl.”

“Hello, Mr. Wolf,” said Little Red Riding Hood, politely.

“Where are you off to on this fine day?” Treebark was being exactly as charming as it’s possible to be when you are a sinister, bloodthirsty monster.

“I’m off to visit my Grandmother on the other side of the wood. She isn’t feeling well.”

“I am sorry to hear that. But, look, if you continue on the path it will take you another half an hour, maybe longer, to get there. I can show you a shortcut through the woods.”

“No. Sorry, Mr. Wolf, but I promised my mother I would stay to the path. Goodbye, Mr. Wolf!” Before Treebark could think of anything else to say, Red skipped away down the path. He was angry at himself, but then an idea struck. He had at least half an hour to run through the woods, beating Red Riding Hood to her Grandmother’s House. Once there, he could devour Granny and set a trap for Red herself. A two course meal!

Treebark licked his chops with glee and bounded into the woods, moving as fast as he could. In the process, he knocked a bird’s nest out of the tree it was nestled in. The bird who belonged to it was furious as she now had to build the whole thing from scratch, which meant waiting another day to lay her eggs. She shouted after Treebark but the wolf didn’t listen. It’s doubtful if he even heard. He had only one thought on his mind: Lunch!

When he arrived at Grandmother’s House, Treebark knew he’d need a plan to get inside. He thought of one quickly and knocked on the door. The thin, feeble voice of a usually vibrant old woman, pinned down with illness, came from within. “Who is it?” she asked.

“Good afternoon, can I interest you in a new set of encyclopedias?” said the wolf, doing his Best Encyclopedia Salesman Voice.

“No, thank you,” said Grandmother. Treebark thought for another moment, then knocked on the door again. “Who is it?” said Grandmother.

“Pizza man,” said the wolf, doing his Best Pizza Delivery Boy Voice.

“I didn’t order a pizza,” said Grandmother, wondering if pizza had even been invented yet. Finally the wolf hit upon the winner. He knocked on the door. “Who is it?”

“Certified letter for…er…Grandmother!” said the wolf, doing his Best Postal Employee Voice.

“Oh, just a moment, I’ll let you in.” Treebark stifled a chuckle as he heard Grandmother undo all seven locks on her front door. When she swung open the door she was shocked to find, not a Postal Employee with a Certified Letter, but rather a huge, slobbering wolf with sharp teeth and claws looming over her. Needless to say, but I will anyway, she screamed and ran away. Treebark was nipping at her heels the whole way, until Grandmother dove into the cellar and locked the door behind her.

Treebark banged on the door with all his might but couldn’t get through. Eventually he remembered Little Red Riding Hood. If she saw the front door open and no sign of Grandmother, she’d get suspicious and probably call the police or something. So, thinking even more quickly than before, Treebark ran into Grandmother’s closet, found a nightgown and cap and a pair of her spectacles. With his cunning disguise in place, he shut the front door, leaving it unlocked, climbed into bed and waited for Red to come.

She did at last and knocked on the door. “Come in,” said the wolf, doing his Best Grandmother Voice (wolves are experts at voices, as well you know, and can imitate practically anybody). Red came in, thinking that Grandmother sounded funny because she was sick, but when she saw the figure lying in the bed, she knew at once that it was the wolf she had met on the road. Of course, she had no reason to suspect anything sinister was going on, so she played along and simply said, “Are you feeling any better, Grandmother?”

Treebark, unaware that Red was onto him, said, in his Granny Voice, “A little, dearie.”

“Grandmother!” said Red with fake shock, “What big eyes you have!”

Treebark again thought quickly and said, “All the better to see how you’ve grown, my dear.”

“Grandmother! What big ears you have!”

“All the better to listen to your sweet voice with.”

“Grandmother! What big arms you have!”

“Come here and give Granny a big hug, dearie.”

“And, Grandmother, what a big mouth you have!”

“All the better to eat you with, my dear!” And with that, Treebark forgot all pretense and dove at Red. Now Little Red Riding Hood knew something was wrong and screamed and ran for her life. The wolf, luckily, tripped on his nightgown, so Red had time to run for the cellar door only to find it locked, but as soon as Grandmother heard Red’s voice yelling, “Help! Help! He’s after me!” she unlocked the door and pulled her grandchild in after her. Treebark pounded on the door, but Grandmother had locked it right away. Now the wolf was furious.

“Fine!” he bellowed when he had grown weary of trying to break down the door. “You can’t stay down there forever. And I’ll be right here waiting for you.” To their horror, Red and Grandmother saw that the wolf was quite right. There was no food or water in the cellar. They were trapped!

But just then, when things looked blackest, a ray of hope fluttered past the window. The little Momma Bird whose nest Treebark had upset had rebuilt and was now prepared to follow the wolf’s trail and give him a piece of her mind. When she arrived at Grandmother’s house and saw what was going on, she was horrified. She hated the thought of that horrible beast eating those innocent people, so she flew off in search of help.

She found it in the form of a Hunter, who was having a very bad day. He hadn’t caught so much as a squirrel, when the little Momma Bird fluttered in front of his face and explained to him what was going on. Eager to help (and to save face in front of his hunter friends by catching something), the Hunter followed the Momma Bird to Grandmother’s House and knocked on the door.

“Who is it!?!?” barked the wolf, forgetting that it was not his own house.

“Er…Mr. Wolf: You may have already won ten million dollars!” said the Hunter, doing his Best Contest Spokesman Voice. Hunters are actually not that great at voices, but the wolf bought it anyway and, eager to win ten milion dollars, abandoned his place in front of the cellar and went to answer the front door…which proved to be the last thing that Treebark ever did.

And so, it looked as though everyone would end up happily ever after. Grandmother got well again and decided to move closer to her family so that Red wouldn’t have to wander through the woods quite so much. The pelt of Treebark brought a handsome price to the Hunter who was forever grateful to Little Red Riding Hood and her entire family. And the little Momma Bird has five babies, all of whom grew up into beautiful little birdies.

As for the wolves, they never knew of Treebark’s treachery, but if they did, they wouldn’t have been too worried. No one was likely to take this one incident and blow it out of proportion and condemn all wolves the world over…

But then word got out about the pigs…but that’s another story!

THE END

If You Liked My Story, You Might Enjoy:

• The Big Bad Wolf (1934) Walt Disney’s sequel to Three Little Pigs featuring Red Riding Hood and Grandma
• Little Red Riding Rabbit (1944) Bugs Bunny cartoon in which Red is brinigng a rabbit to grandma instead of “goodies”
• “The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show”/”Fractured Fairy Tales”: Riding Hoods Annonymous. In which the Wolf is in a self-help program to kick the Riding Hood habit and joins the PTA
• “The 10^th Kingdom” (TV) Scott Cohen as “Wolf” plays the grandmother trick on Kimberly Williams
• “Faerie Tale Theatre” (TV), Malcolm McDowall as the Wolf, Mary Steenburgen as Granny
• “Into the Woods” Red and the Wolf sing “Hello, Little Girl” by Stephen Sondheim

NEXT WEEK: "Sleeping Beauty"

Leroy Goes Home

Some of you who know me well may recognize this little guy as Leroy. He is a character I have been drawing for some years now and he has proved very popular among my friends and family. I for one have grown very fond of him over the years, which is why I decided to introduce his story to this collection. Now, obviously, this isn’t exactly a “fairy tale” in the strictest sense, but I don’t think Puss in Boots or Red Riding Hood will mind letting Leroy into the club. Because if the Dreamworks movie Madagascar has taught us anything, it’s that nothing saves a mediocre story like penguins!

I

 do not know if you have ever been to Antarctica, but if you have not, I have some advice for you: Do not go to Antartcia. Trust me, you will not enjoy it. There’s just nothing to do there. I mean, like, really. Nothing. There’s nothing there! I don’t mean like all the bars and hangouts and stuff are lame or you can’t get good Chinese food, I mean there is literally nothing there at all!!!

Well, no, I guess there are two things: Ice and penguins. But that’s about it.

I can tell you about ice, it’s cold it’s hard and it’s easy to slip on it and fall on your butt (which hurts). It’s white and boring and, I don’t care what they say about global warming, it’s not getting’ any toastier down there. Which means that Antarctica has only one thing going for it as a tourist location, and, to be fair, it’s a pretty good draw:

Penguins!

And what’s not to love about penguins? Cute and cuddly, yet dignified and noble. Classy in both dress and demeanour, and, as you can see, possessed of an excellent sense of humor:

I never get tired of that!

Not only hilarious pranksters, penguins are dreamers. Oh yes, for, you see, deep within the heart of every young Antarctican penguin, there is a single, burning desire. A most sincere wish. A great passion and a dream which guides us through the dark nights of our native Antarctica.

And it’s this: To get the heck out of Antarctica!

As I said, it’s no fun. And for an ambitious young penguin with dreams that don’t fit on an ice floe it’s darn near intolerable. No libraries, no cinemas, no bookshops, no coffee bars, not even a Wal-Mart for flip’s sake! If it weren’t for those guys who came down to work in that weather station, I may never have even seen a book! I mean, they were real nice to me, they…Oh, I’m sorry. I think I forgot to tell you something:

I’m a penguin.

My name is Leroy, and this is my story. I guess, to look at me, you wouldn’t think I was too remarkable. I’m kinda short, maybe a little chubby, black, white, birdlike. But if you took the time to get to know me, I like to think you’d be able to tell how special I am. All my life, I’ve felt different from other penguins. Not just because I don’t like fish. Not just because I’m not a strong swimmer. Not even because of my asthma (which we just called the “Wheezing Sickness” cuz we had never heard of it before). It was something else that set me apart from my fellow birdies. True, we all would have liked to see something besides Antarctica, but I felt there was something bigger out there. But whenever I tried to explain what was in my heart to the other penguins, they just looked at me like I was crazy.

Heck, for all I knew, I was!

But then those weather station guys turned up and shared their books and music and we even had movie night every Wednesday. I’ll never forget the first movie we ever watched, mainly because it was the first movie I ever watched…like ever. You probably know it: It’s about a girl in Kansas who goes over a rainbow and ends up in another world. I was transfixed! Here I was, a simple penguin, dreaming of a world that I had no proof even existed, and this movie comes along and says everything I’m thinking more clearly than I ever could say it myself. Now, granted, at the end she goes back to Kansas, but that doesn’t realy help the point I’m trying to make, which is this: I had to get away.

I begged Carla and Abrams (the weather station guys…which, thinking about it, I guess was a little misleading, cuz Carla’s more of what you’d call a “lady,” but I always called them “the guys,” so, ya know) to take me with them when their experiments were over, but they said no. They said they had a job to do and it was done and they had to go home. They couldn’t exactly take back souvenirs, they said, but they did leave me one. Carla’s a doctor, you see, and she noticed I had trouble breathing when I got too excited, so she used some of the medical supplies to make me a crude inhaler, and taught me how to use it.

So, for the record, I had no hard feelings toward Carla and Abrams. They were good friends and I understood their position about not taking indigenous persons (penguin or otherwise) back with them. How could I hold a grudge against such nice people? Letting me hang out and watch movies in their station, making me the inhaler, lending me the paper and pen with which I ultimately wrote my tearful goodbye letter to my friends and family before zipping myself in Abrams’ duffel the morning of their departure.

Looking back, I totally get why they were so mad at me.

Of course, by the time they noticed I was there, we were in the air, past the point of no return. They yelled, I yelled, they yelled louder, I yelled as loud as I could, I couldn’t catch my breath, I passed out for a few minutes and when I woke up, Carla was cradling me in her arms singing my favorite song from my favorite movie and we were all friends again. But now the question became what they were going to do with me. I mean, they would have gotten in trouble just walking me through airport security. Although, I maintain it would’ve been pretty funny:

TSA AGENT: Do you have anything to declare?

ABRAMS: Just this penguin.

Still, in the interest of simplicity, I snuck back into Abrams’ duffel and stayed as still and quiet as possible until the heat was off. As I write this, I admit being slightly ashamed of how I came to America. I mean, I was, for all intents and purposes, an illegal alien. All I can say is that, at the time, it seemed like my only option. You see many penguins applying for green cards?

Anyway, when Abrams finally unzipped his duffel, we were in his apartment in Chicago, Illinois. “Welcome to your new home, Leroy,” he said as he led me to the window. And there, for the first time, I saw the United States of America. The tall buildings, the fast cars, the lights, the sounds, the music, the people. I felt how Dorothy must’ve felt when she and her friends saw the Emerald City for the first time. And in that moment I knew that Abrams had been right: I was home.

I stayed with Abrams for about a month. In hindsight, I think it’s fair to say that I was not a great roommate. In my defense, let me just say I was kinda cooped up. I mean, I was used to the wide open spaces of Antarctica. Now I had to spend my days in a one-bedroom in Lincoln Park. I couldn’t leave because, A, I was too short to reach the doorknob, B, didn’t have any money or identification, and, C, I was a penguin, so I had to stay inside all day every day. I mean, I tried to keep myself occupied. I read, I watched TV, Abrams gave me free run of his Netflix account, if I ever felt homesick for the ice and snow, I would just climb into the freezer. Nevertheless, I got stir crazy! I actually started to miss Antarctica, if you can believe that. What I thought was going to be my new home turned out to be just another boring place that I had to get away from.

So, one day, when Abrams had left for work, I put my plan into action. I pushed a great big chair up to the door and climbed on it to turn the knob. It was hard, especially for someone without fingers, but I finally managed to get the door open. I had found an old fanny pack of Abrams and had filled it with a few things I thought might come in handy. A spare key to the apartment, a map of the city, a Swiss Army Knife, a digital watch and about four dollars in loose change I found in the sofa cushions (and my inhaler, of course). I slung it over my back like a knapsack and headed out into the world.

I figured I’d have a quick look around the city and be home before Abrams even noticed I was gone. I managed to get out of the building easy enough, but once I was on the street, things changed. You see, looking down on a city from seventeen flights up is one thing…looking up at it from two feet above the ground is another. The fact that I was a penguin and they were humans didn’t seem to matter when I was with Abrams or Carla. But now, for the first time since I left the South Pole, I saw things the way they truly were. I realized the risk my friends had taken helping me sneak into the country and why it was so important that I stay inside. As giant strangers passed me on all sides, I felt for the first time like what I was:

An alien.

I didn’t belong in this world and I never could. This was a world made for human beings. There were a few animals, but they were either on leashes, under policemen or scavenging in the garbage. Even the birds could fly away, something I certainly couldn’t do. I began to think about going back to Antarctica. But then I remembered how miserable I was there. The fact is that, even though there was no place for me in this world, I still loved it. I loved the diversity and the wonders and, of course, the movies. And unless Netflix could deliver to my old address, I knew I’d never be happy back there either. But how could I be happy in a world where I would be forced to live as an outcast?

I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried.

Of course people saw me. Lots of people who passed did cartoonish double takes when they realized that I was a penguin wearing a fanny pack on his back and using an inhaler. I can’t pretend to know what they were thinking, but I’m sure they were pretty freaked out. I assume what must have happened is someone took out their cell phone and called the police, because as I was walking aimlessly, trying not to panic, suddenly remembering why Dorothy decided she wanted to go home to Kansas as the end of the movie, I noticed a policeman coming toward me. Now, remember, I was an illegal immigrant who was under a great emotional strain and basically having a pretty traumatic day all around, so I hope you’ll understand what I did next:

I ran.

I ran like I’d never run before (which, actually, isn’t saying much cuz, when you live on ice, you don’t do much running) and somehow managed to stay ahead of the policeman for about a block and a half. Then I ducked into an alleyway and hid until I saw him run past me. I had gotten away from the authorities, but for how long? I went back out into the street to try and get my bearings. You see, in the throes of my anxiety, I had sort of lost my way and wasn’t sure how to get back to Abrams’ apartment. After a few minutes, however, I knew I was hopelessly lost. There was no other alternative: I had to call Abrams and tell him everything.

Though I didn’t know this yet, Abrams had already arrived home and seen that I was gone. He called Carla right away. They called the police and explained everything. The officer who took their call, Sergeant Hanratty, was very understanding and promised them that he would personally do whatever he had to to bring me home. He called it in and was told that another officer had been called in to pick up a penguin wandering the streets but that he had lost me. Now, still unbeknownst to me, every available police officer in the area was looking for me.

Unfortunately, it would still be a while before I knew any of this. You see, it was getting dark and, being seventy-five percent black, I was becoming very hard to see. And being so small, my voice couldn’t carry over the sounds of the city, so nobody who I tried to ask for help could hear me. It was getting dark quick and I was scared and alone. I had to find some kind of shelter, and fast. So when I saw a young girl walking out the front door of her brownstone to drop the garbage on the curb, and noticed that she left the door wide open, I made a break for it. I didn’t like going in without permission, but I figured these were extenuating circumstances.

This home happened to belong to the Freeman family, the first of whom that I met was the youngest daughter, Moira. She was on her way upstairs to bed, judging by her pajamas, when she spotted me, shivering in the corner.

“Hello,” she said. But I was too scared and upset to answer. I had lost my inhaler when I was running from the policeman, and was having a hard time breathing, let alone calming myslf. Moira must’ve been able to tell that I was having trouble and, looking around to see that her parents weren’t looking, she picked me up and carried me to her room. She laid me down on her bed and pulled the covers up over me. It reminded me of the way Carla cradled me on the plane and sang to me. It made me think of my home. My real home.

“Thank you,” I said, finally able to speak. “I’ve had a very bad day.”

“Did you lose your mommy and daddy?” Moira asked.

“Actually, I…I sort of left them.” And as soon as I said that I started to cry again. You see, this was the first time I had really thought about what I had done. How much it must have hurt my family when I left. I never felt so bad in my life. I was homesick, and scared, and ashamed, and miserable. So I cried like I never cried before. And Moira held me very close. Unfortunately, I must’ve cried louder than I meant to, because a minute later there was a knock on the door.

“Moira?” said the person who knocked. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Ginny. My friend just misses his mommy.”

“What friend?” and the door was opened by Moira’s big sister, Ginny, the one who had unwittingly let me in her house. When she saw her little sister cradling a sobbing penguin, she…well, I guess she reacted pretty much the same way you would have reacted. “Where did it come from?” she said.

“I don’t know,” said Moira, and she turned to me and asked where I was from.

“My name is Leroy,” I said through my tears. And I told them both my whole story, everything from the day Carla and Abrams arrived in my neighborhood to the moment I ran inside their house. “I don’t know what to do or where I go from here. All I know is I wanna go home, but I have no idea where that is anymore.”

“We’d better tell Mom and Dad,” said Ginny.

“No!” I said. “Please, if you tell your parents they’ll just want to call the police or animal control or something and there’s no telling what will become of me!” Of course now I know that if I’d let her tell her parents, everything would’ve gone much smoother for me. At the time, however, I was clearly not thinking straight. “Just let me stay here for a while. Just until I work things out. I won’t be any trouble. Please?”

Ginny and Moira took very good care of me. They made sure I had plenty to eat, they gave me baths (very shallow baths cuz, again, not a strong swimmer), we played games and Moira and I read stories to each other every night. It’s remarkable to think that we lived like this for three whole days without their parents noticing…of course their parents leaving town for a long weekend probably didn’t hurt.

“Leroy,” Ginny said to me one afternoon while bathing me in the kitchen sink. “Have you given any thought to what you want do?” I had. I had grown very fond of Ginny and Moira and very much liked living with them. But I knew their parents would be home soon and I wouldn’t be able to stay there. Anyway, I was being selfish. My family in Antarctica and my friends in Chicago were worried about me, and I needed to make things right with them. I figured the best thing would be to get in touch with Abrams and Carla and see if they could help me get back to where I belonged.

Luckily, Abrams had written his name and telephone number in the fanny pack I was using, so I was able to call him that very day.

“Hello?” He sounded somewhat shaken when he answered, and I felt a pang of guilt.

“Hi, Abrams. It’s me.”

“Leroy? Oh my God, where are you? We’ve been worried sick!”

“I’m okay, Abrams. I’m somewhere safe, with friends.”

“Friends? What are you talking about, Leroy? Who’s there with you?”

“Moira and Ginny Freeman. I’m at—”

But just then we heard the unmistakable sound of a car pulling up. The girls’ parents were home! If they came in and saw me, it would just lead to trouble. I told Abrams I had to go and would call him back, then hung up the phone. Ginny helped me repack my bag and she and Moira both kissed me goodbye and wished me luck. I hated to leave like that, but I knew I couldn’t be seen. Besides, they’d done enough for me already. It was time to move on.

Of course, Abrams hit *69 almost immediately, but by then I was gone. Mr. and Mrs. Freeman, however, heard the phone and had a very confusing conversation when they picked it up. Though, once again, I wouldn’t know this for a long time, the police arrived shortly thereafter and questioned the girls. They told the truth about everything, and Sergant Hanratty was that much closer to finding me.

In the meantime, I was once again lost and alone on the streets of Chicago. But this time I wasn’t scared. My stay with the girls had reinvigorated me and now that I had a specific goal to work toward, I was much more confident. Granted, I was still uneasy about returning to Antarctica, but at the time I felt that there was no other place for me. Anyway, I was trying not to think that far ahead, for fear of being overwhelmed again, and instead focus on my immediate goal: to get back in touch with Abrams and Carla.

I rounded a corner and heard a strange yet familiar sound: It was music. And not just any music. Someone was singing about troubles that melted like lemon drops and I knew it was my song! My favorite song from my favorite movie! I ran toward the source of the singing and found myself outside a place called Barry’s Pizza. A tall, lanky, loose-jointed kinda guy was outside singing the song and dancing, presumably to attract customers into the pizzeria. There was a sign next to him that said “No tips, please, just come in and order a slice!” But I just stood there and listened to him sing the song. Toward the end of the last verse, he looked down and saw me for the first time. He smiled at me, and even though it was kind of a goofy, lopsided grin, it made me feel good. Made me feel like I had found another friend. After he was done singing, I tried to clap, but, let’s face it, flippers aren’t great for applauding.

“Thank you, little man,” said the singer. “Always nice to play for an appreciative audience.”

“That’s my favorite song!”

“Mine too, little man, mine too. My name’s Elijah. And how may I address you, my new friend?”

“I’m Leroy! And I’d like to come in for a slice like your sign says…but I don’t know if I can afford it.”

“Don’t you worry about that, Leroy. You’re friends with Elijah now. I’m sure we can come to an agreeable arrangement. Why don’t you come on in?”

So Elijah led me into the pizzeria. He and I went halfsies on a large slice of pepperoni while I told him my story (which, I don’t mind telling you, I was starting to get kind of tired of telling at this point)…actually, if I can just sidetrack the narrative just briefly here, I want to explain that this was the first pizza I’d ever had and it remains the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. I have since tried pizza with all different kinds of toppings, including anchovies, which I like, which is odd when you consider that I don’t normally like fish. Anyway, I just wanted to mention what an important experience this was for me…So, once my story and the pizza were done, Elijah said, “Man, oh man, little man. That is some kind of tale of woe you got right there. But, don’t you worry. Cuz, it’s like I told you: you’re friends with Elijah now. And when you’re friends with Elijah everything just seems to work out for the best. Ain’t that right, Barry?” he added, calling out to his boss, the owner of the pizzeria.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Elijah,” said Barry, who wasn’t really paying attention.

Elijah took me over to the counter and helped me dial the phone. I called Abrams’ number again, but this time Carla picked up. “Leroy?” she said, “is that you?” She sounded as upset as Abrams did, if not more so.

“Yes it’s me. Where’s Abrams?”

“He’s out looking for you, Leroy. You need to come home now, sweetie.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m kind of lost.”

“That’s okay, honey, we’ll come to you. Can you tell me where you are?”

“I’m in a place called Barry’s Pizza,” I told her, and Elijah helped me give her directions.

“I’m on way, Leroy. But please don’t go anywhere.”

“See?” said Elijah, grinning lke a Cheshire Cat. “What’d I tell you? Everything’s gonna work out for the best. I’m kinda what you’d call a good luck charm, little man. Take Barry here, for instance. A year ago he couldn’t give pizza away in this neighborhood. I come out of a clear blue sky and his profits go through the roof. Barry, tell my little friend how lost you’d be without me!”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Barry, “why don’t you start singing again. At least when you were outside I didn’t have to—” But just then, he looked up and for the first time saw that Elijah’s friend was a penguin. I smiled and waved politely to Barry, but he didn’t return the sentiment. “What’s that filthy animal doing in my place? Get it out of here! Go on, shoo!” Elijah tried to talk Barry down, but he wasn’t listening. He picked up a big broom and swung it at me. Elijah pulled me out of harm’s way at the last minute and ran me outside. He hailed a taxi and put me inside, then gave some money to the driver.

“Take him to Pablo’s on Kowalski Street,” he said to the driver. Then he turned to me and said, “Sorry about this, little man. But don’t you worry. Elijah’s friends are always welcome at Pablo’s. Just tell ‘em I sent you and wait for me there.” Before I could even thank Elijah for all his help, the cab pulled away.

Well, as you’ve probably guessed, I managed to just miss my friends yet again. Sergent Hanratty and Carla arrived soon after I departed (I had no way of knowing that Barry’s Pizza was actually across the street from Abrams’ apartment. I got pretty turned around that night) only to see that I was gone. Elijah told them what had happened and where I’d be. Carla called Abrams (who was driving around town with Moira and Ginny, looking for me) on his cell and told him where I was headed. Then she and Elijah (who, I’m sorry to report, got fired from Barry’s because of me) piled into Hanratty’s car and they all headed toward Pablo’s on Kowalski Street.

Oblivious to all of this was me, sitting in the backseat of the taxi on the way to a place I’d never heard of where I would have to sit and wait heaven knows how long for Elijah to show up and help me find Carla and Abrams again so they could help me go home to a place I didn’t know if I ever wanted to see again after being lost, chased, yelled at and attacked and all this in the space of just under five days. I was so exhausted, both physically and emotionally, that I fell fast asleep.

“Leroy? Leroy? Wake up, sweetie.”

I opened my eyes and there was my mother standing over me. I looked around and I was back in my own room again. “What happened?” I asked. “Was it all a dream? Like in the movie?”

“No, sweetheart,” said my mom. “This is the dream.”

“Oh. I’m sorry I left Mom. I promise I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

“That will make me very hapy, Leroy…but what about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will it make you happy? Is it what you really want?”

“Well…to tell the truth, Mom, I don’t know what I want. I wasn’t happy in Antarctica, but I don’t belong here either. Where do I belong? What should I do, Mom?”

“Leroy, my love,” she said, and held me in her flippers like she did when I was just a hatchling, “You should do whatever makes you happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

“What if I never find a place where I belong?”

“What do you mean? You’ve already found several places where you belong. Here with me and your friends and family, back with Abrams and Carla, up in Moira’s bedroom, Elijah’s pizzeria. You’ve made so many friends, and you have such a big family now. That’s where your home is, Leroy. Home isn’t a place. Home isn’t ‘where.’ Home is people. Home is ‘who.’ Home is family.”

“I…I don’t…”

“Hey! Birdie! Wake up! We’re here!”

I awoke to find the cabbie poking me with his index finger. I thanked him for the ride and got out of the cab.

When Elijah said I was going someplace called “Pablo’s” I didn’t quite know what to expect. A diner, a bar, a hotel, maybe. Certainly not a nightclub. A long line of people were waiting at the front door hoping to be let in by a bouncer the size of an elephant seal. Now I didn’t like the look of that long line, but I didn’t think it was right to cut either. So I just kind of waited outside on the curb. I was thinking about the dream I’d just had, when I noticed a lot of the people in line were staring at me. I was starting to feel nervous again and since I still didn’t have my inhaler, I tried to calm myself down in another way. I started singing my favorite song. Just softly, to myself. I closed my eyes and imagined opening the door of the farmouse and seeing brightly-colored toadstools and munchkins and a nice lady in a pink bubble who would help me get home…wherever that was.

Suddenly it got very bright. I opened my eyes and saw two cars had stopped right in front of the club and their headlights were blinding me. I squinted and saw lots of people climbing out of the cars and running toward me. by the time I could tell who they were, they were already hugging and kissing me and telling me how happy they were to see me. Carla, Abrams, Moira, Ginny, Elijah and Sergeant Hanratty (who I was meeting for the first time) all took turns holding me and telling me how worried they were.

And I cried again. But this time, in a good way.

That night I was back in Abrams’ apartment with him and Carla. It seems I had missed quite a lot since I’d been gone. Most importantly, things had changed between Carla and Abrams. I guess they had discovered some kind of feelings for each other back in Antarctica, but weren’t ready to act on them. But when I went missing, the shared experience of looking for me brought it out in them. In a weird way, my taking off was a good thing because it brought two people together. Not just two people, come to think of it. Elijah, The Freemans, Hanratty. All of my new friends. That’s when I finally realized what my mom was telling me in my dream. Here I thought I had no home, but really I had lots of homes. One home for every friend.

Speaking of my mom…well, it turns out she and the other penguins were as resourceful and determined as my human friends. When they got my note they all banded together as a team. They went to the now abandoned weather station where Carla and Abrams worked and somehow (to this day I’ve never understood how) got the communications back up and sent a message. It got relayed to a sister station in New Guinea, then was routed through Beijing, Moscow, London, New York and finally to the lab where Carla works in Chicago. The message, which she read on the very day that Abrams came home to find me gone, went like this:

DEAR LEROY,  WE ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE TOO

GOOD FOR ANTARCTICA. DON’T FORGET TO WRITE.

WE LOVE YOU.

Do I miss them? Of course I do. But they’re still with me in other ways. And it’s not like we don’t keep in touch. Besides, a lot of them have left Antarctica and now live in zoos all over the country, and I visit them all the time. In fact, that’s my life these days. I travel all over this great nation of ours visiting friends, making new ones. I figured Carla and Abrams were gonna want me to move out so I wouldn’t cramp their style (not to give away too much of their personal lives, but little baby Leroy is expected in March), and it just so happens Elijah has a friend at the San Diego Zoo, so that’s where I live when I’m not traveling. But even when I am traveling, as long as I have friends and family near me, I know I’ll be okay.

And, after all…there’s no place like home.

THE END

If you enjoyed Leroy’s story, let him know:

LeroyPenguin@hotmail.com